Contactless food delivery be like, what if ding dong ditch had a happy ending?

I was passionate about something once. I forget why.

Oops, something went wrong. Better make it worse.

When you have something special … treat it that way.

Remember one person's mundane is another person's 'kill me now'.

Your dislike of grits is killing this relationship.

sagittarius expresses their philosophy through vivid storytelling and art

Fixed it.

Yeahhh. I don't want to die on any hills...but I'll gladly watch you die on yours. Cheers 🍸🍬

people will be like but there’s perks to living in a big city and the perk is literally spending $90 on 3 drinks

Facebook is like a landline payphone

Without mentioning Friends, Seinfeld, or The Office: Name the sitcom you’d rewatch forever Cheers

only you could quiet this

I’m tired of waiting for my food to finish cooking.

cicadas are the shrimp of the trees

At the age where “I popped a gummy” could mean an edible, melatonin or bear.

Don't be that dumbass that makes labelling everything with common sense instructions compulsory.

These are the good ol days. Just wait and see.

I ain't fighting with anyone who's uglier than me. Bitch I've got a nice nose to protect.

"Whiskey Heartburn" is my next single, stay tuned