We don't pay tribute to dead corporations.

The problem with being a strong independent woman is that there's no one to fix your bra when it's twisted behind your back

Got some solid Rock Jams going at fight night it seems

This is how a boxer enters. Walk to the ring with determiFuckingnation

The hype was always going to be better than the fight. And that was exactly the case. And it went all 16 minutes. Jake Paul won. Mike Tyson is 58 years old. It was a forgettable fight. And now it’s time for bed. Good night sports fans.

Santa Claus Parade giving a live mash up of bagpiped Come All Ye Faithful with techno Cotton Eyed Joe

On this day in 1985, Calvin set his tiger trap, and the world was introduced to the whimsical brilliance of Calvin and Hobbes. 39 years later, their adventures still capture our hearts and imaginations. Here’s to tuna fish sandwiches and timeless humor! #CalvinAndHobbes

How much do I fucking despise people with no situational awareness

Watching Hoarding Buried Alive (I know, I know) and this hoarding dad is smiling as his daughter tries to get him to organize. He loves that his hoard makes her interact with him. It's his reward. He doesn't see how exasperated she is. His illness has stolen his empathy for that

“Who’s a good boy? You’re a good boy. Go grab the deal to keep the government open. Fetch. Bring it to me. Good boy.”

According to the men in my family, wrapping paper and clear tape is just something that we always have in the house. Elves must bring it. #GrumpyChristmas

Butt dial is to booty call As Clusterfuck is to orgy

You wanted that library book back? Ah no. You see It is MY library book now.

There is a fire in the dumpster across the river People on that side of the riverbank are freaking out I can scream myself hoarse trying to give them encouragement and direction The water separating us is too fast too deep too cold I do not want the fire to spread

I never finished my art museum. Whatever. Blathers can suck it #AnimalCrossing

"I'm going to raid the Hudson's Bay Company, who's with me?" - A phrase as relevant in 1670 as it is today #Canada

Labubu is just a Mon Chi Chi. There, I said it.

Posting the gym schedule on my wall has yet to get me to the gym

Gah. Why the fu k am I still on Twitter?

I swear to god if Joyce and Hopper don't get their date at Enzo's, I am going to scream. #StrangerThings