I’m old enough to remember when you had to pretend you weren’t taking the oil

sziana grande

i need a husband that i can hit in the back of the head with a frozen lamb leg

when girls do zyn i get really scared

just found out i’m eligible to vote in the sag awards

first date idea: we go thru the gc with u and ur homeboys and i bend one of ur fingers back every time i see something i don’t like

Be the reason someone can’t use your name for their baby

hi as someone who was a teen in 2016, we all famously hated that year because like every beloved celebrity died in 2016. Also trump

this is what i would tweet to let you all know i've been kidnaped

Hey, I noticed you liked my Instagram story! Thanks a lot! Does it mean you want to take me away from this place?

two sex offenders telling each other exactlyyyyyyyyy

leftists getting football in the divorce?!

The King is on the list but Little Women not on the list?!

turning post notifs on for miss club

that shit was beautiful man i might be Puerto Rican from now on if that’s cool with yall

the book I haven’t written a word of but have planned meticulously in my head is an nyt bestseller to me

What really haunts me is I'm really not smart enough for so many people to be this much stupider than me.

Think of all the uncrushed candies

did not know what a myringotomy was so i thought OP was saying tuna melt ate her ring and now he has to have a My Ring-otomy to get it out