Walking down the street I saw a shop sign that said, "Watch Repairs Here". I stood for 30 minutes and never saw one

90% of bald people still own a comb. They just can't part with it

Every single morning I get hit by the same bike... It's a vicious cycle...

Not all math jokes are terrible... Only sum

Scientists have found that cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. Apparently it's a case of in one ear and out the udder

Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible King but he made a great ruler

I got tired of being judged for going bald so I went out and bought a cheap wig… It was a small price toupée

So my rum and raisin cake is gluten free. It's also raisin free. And cake free. OK it's just rum

What do you call the knight who loves to scare people? Sir Prise

I tried to steal spaghetti from the supermarket… But the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta

So apparently "to leave" wasn't an appropriate answer when my manager asked "what are your goals this year"

A cop left a nice note on my windshield to let me know I'd parked my car correctly. It said Parking Fine

Saw a man standing on one leg at an ATM. Confused, I asked him what he was doing... He said: "Just checking my balance"

Told my wife our next door neighbor died. She said "Who? Ray?" I told her it was way too early to celebrate like that

*Hands daughter an apple* "But dad, I wanted a pear." *Hands daughter another apple*

If a Viking is reincarnated… Is he Bjorn again?