Live from New York, it's Saturday night.

but that was my emotional support daylight

Just got my first “let’s hold off on this conversation until the New Year” email. Absolutely ecstatic

what are u guys holding space for tonight

new workout goal is to have a body where after I commit a crime, the media posts my shirtless pics and everyone's like WOW

The amount of cars I see driving at night time without a single light on is absurd

Just one lifetime ago in the United States, our grandfathers were able to buy a home, buy a car, have 3-4 children, keep their wife at home, take annual vacations, and then retire… all on one middle-class salary.

idk who needs to hear this, but tv writers need to bring back the 22 episodes per season formula. bring back holiday episodes, birthdays, and fillers. i’m tired of having to wait a year or more for a season that has 6-10 episodes.

aspartame will not give me cancer because diet coke can sense I'm pure of heart

all branches of the US government uniting across the aisle to ban a social media app this quickly while ignoring school shootings for years, ignoring women’s health, healthcare, homelessness, etc etc should radicalize the fuck out of you btw 🤍

Countries should submit bids on being the location for a White Lotus season like the Olympics

Just filed my taxes, does anyone have any tea? Also can anyone point me to the nearest harbor?

People love to complain about Magic Kingdom, but it just took me 58 minutes to get from the Mickey and friends parking structure into Disneyland

a diet coke should be free if you really need one

If you’re a restaurant without refillable soda I probably will not be back :/ not paying for a refill of Diet Coke sorry :/

a crispy diet coke should be free if it’s Urgent

Am I missing something with the amount of times they say “clock tick” in Wicked For Good Jon M. Chu