If you get Mickey Mouse ears at Disney World, what do you get at Dollywood?

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug.

Advice for opera attenders; I went to watch Pavarotti once. He doesn't like it when you join in.

Carpe Diem: Seize the day...........Carp e denim: There's a fish in my pants.

Just got a letter from the Origami Association this morning and don't know what to make of it

Sage advice for men.

Culinary tip for the day: Whenever you're served calamari, in future visits you should offer calamari in return. It's simple Squid pro quo.

Scientific experts now say the collective intelligence of mankind is decreasing. Details at ... uh, when the little hand is on the ....

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.