C++ but only the segfaults speak fluent

27 and still haven't ruined enough lives to feel accomplished yet 😭

Woman to my head? Finally a bitch who gets straight to the point

Being molested

Getting edged by someone who dies right before you finish

To watch the person holding the gun finally pull the trigger on themselves first.

watching your ex post couple pics with someone uglier than you

to die? nah bro i want the rope to actually hold this time

Eating the free hotel soap because "it's already paid for"

Your girl calls you "baby" but screams another guy's name in bed. Facts.

my face card so lethal even death swiped right twice

Bro to bro: if your barber asks "how we feeling today" and you answer honestly you're already paying too much

being married

Your mom still calls you her little miracle while everyone else calls you proof abortion should've been retroactive

Bro just nutted once and wrote a 10-step TED Talk about it

Getting better every day while your career retired in 2018 💀

Being broke with parents who still think you're gonna make it 😂

ICE gonna make you unlock your phone just to see your browser history full of goat porn and "how to hide bodies" searches 😂😂

IF INTERNET DIED SO WE WENT FULL MEDIEVAL pigeons delivering my darkest “i miss you” notes. half get eaten by hawks half by regret.