Hey, Twitter...I ALWAYS wanna “View profile photo” NEVER “View fleets”

NOOOOOOO 😭 I can’t

Brothers...am I right? 😂

STFU 🥰

😢😂

If someone kidnapped me and threw me into a pit you wouldn’t see me begging to be let out. I would dance & sing and constantly say shit like “Pssh fine by me” until I starved to death. Die with some fucking dignity

My god this is fantastic

I mean, if you squeeze the tip a little you can get some distance, but that may be pushing it a lil

Toilet paper

Standing over the kitchen sink before work

What a good boy ☺️ #StarWars #GoldenRetrievers

What’s more trashy? (Think hard about this)

This will always be 😂

Seeing the acronym “Ngl” everywhere nowadays makes me uncomfortable

Grief is a lot different than a year ago for me. In some ways it’s better, but others it’s worse. Friends joke more often, but the dark spells take longer to come out of. His 5th birthday is coming so I apologize in advance if I put myself out there more often. Love u guys

There’s a youngin that works for me that walks around singing “The Boys Are Back in Town” but he goes “The Boys Are Backing Down” and I’ve asked everyone not to correct him I want the flashbacks to be devastating when he finally learns

Find someone you can high-five and say “Good Game” with after sex

How a 3 year old plays “hide ‘n seek” 😂

It’s your 5th Birthday and I’m angry. My chest/throat hurts and I can barely swallow. I have employees that are getting my attention because they’re still here and their problems are still solvable. I’ll be back to set your ice cream on the table, but I can’t look at it right now

🎶 Hello there…the angel from my nightmaaare 🎶