how you gonna name your company lazypay and then get annoyed when I get lazy about paying lmao

My last 24 hours in Delhi have consisted of surviving a car crash, surviving an earthquake and rapping 21 Savage over a harmonium while intoxicated. This city never fails to disappoint

How many "lo-fi hip hop beats to study/relax to" is too many "lo-fi hip hop beats to study/relax to"

smooth and musky like a silverback gorilla wearing a form fitting leather jacket

I miss rapido

Bring rapido back

Yo FURLENCO hit me up. I gotta pay you but the UI on your app sucks

Normalize asking a girl what her sign is and no matter what she says respond with "oooh yikes" and then walk away

My ancestors fought great wars and weathered great storms and here I am overthinking which emoji best conveys the tone and intention of my text

Where's Akon? How's he doing? I'm curious

Happy Friday, you uncouth skanks! May the good Lord bless you with unlimited mobile data and a lifetime of lower back pain.

Today has been wild and it hasn't even ended yet

Spent the whole day lowballing Lollapalooza resellers for recreation. I already have a ticket. I'm just bored

Any lawyers here? I pinky promised someone but my other hand had my fingers crossed. Does that make the legal validity of the pinky promise void?

Leverkusen winning against Bayern tonight is still blowing my mind. I'm gonna screenshot this tweet when Xabi Alonso becomes the Liverpool manager

If Chelsea win this game, I will sell all my bitcoin immediately

Every time Ananya Panday says the word hashtag, a llama in tibet dies