I'm Just here to show the world how funny I think I am #welcometotwitter

When you are fresh out of basic training and someone thanks you for your service #showmesomelove #hero

If you are super ugly and unlovable, join the military, there are plenty of girls who will marry you for your benefits #dependas

#goarmy #usawtfm

Newsbreak: the whistleblower is mante teos ex girlfriend #notredame #impeachment

Tinder these days is made up of girls with kids, and girls who want me to subscribe to their private snapchat #tinder