I’ve been called “Andrew” more than any other wrong name by far.

Sharing a quote because it might help somebody the way it helped you is an optimistic approach to self projection.

I spent 15 years dedicated to the sport of basketball and it got me 0 pussy.

Ladies respect the grind but I didn’t get any pussy after I broke my arm grinding in 6th grade.

We get into a fight this episode.. uh oh.. Link in my bio.. subscribe please!

Plenty of people with Raiders license plates still speeding all over Vegas.

Coach Spoelstra impersonating himself when he was just a sperm.

I work at a Native American reservation, thank goodness I stopped myself from saying Thanksgiving!

My Amazon warehouse caught on fire and people were working in the building while they put it out.

Antonio Brown went full Luke Wilson in Royal Tenenbaums.

Surprised I still have teeth, getting them kicked in is the only way I learn.

As if my life depends on it, I am laser FUCKING focused on having fun tonight.

If you see me tonight, stay the fuck out of my way, I’m focused on having a good time.

White people love to say NBA players travel.

The bus inspires me to get back on stage but the stage doesn’t inspire me to get back on the bus.

At what point in police training do they teach future officers to refer to cars as “ve-hicles?”

(Comics walking around in a circle going blah blah blah blah blah blah)