clocks at 6:50pm

i hope meghan trainor is enjoying her day 💖

i can’t wait for headphones to be invented

say what you will about my mom but that bitch can vacuum the hell out of a pool 💅

guy at the butterfly enclosure had a bunch of butterflies chillin on his hand and I was thinking he must have insane swag…then I read a plaque that said butterflies LOVE urine

someone yelled at me “hey there skinny man” and I’m feeling the strangest mix of insult and affirmation

lately everywhere i turn is someone I went to high school or college with is there no rest

the nice titties/bad haircut combo goes craaaaazy

when an otherwise hot person is buying ham…makes you think

my current look

i missed therapy because i was up until 4am making this

Scott Evil is kind of a vibe tbh

me

so is she just a floating torso in a mountain or like what’s going on here

me when the Mets security guard pulls a second box cutter out of my bag

last night a dj saved my life (he did open heart surgery on me)

yogurt is wet food to me. everything else is kibble