Are people getting COVID anymore or is that like so 2020?

Overheard: “So you guys know how I’ve been doing CrossFit?”

I’m sorry, but I want to know what kind fairy games Apple is playing and how come all week as I’ve tried to open my calculator app I’ve somehow opened my clock app. And then when I go to open my “clock”app I get a denial for meeting lol

I used to think Gordon Ramsey slightly exaggerated a bit on his reviews, but then I ate dinner at this place in Manhattan, a packed place, and gagged on my first bite. I didn’t believe a place like this could serve food like that, until tonight

How much are we asking to get a popcorn setting on the microwave that actually pops our popcorn???

Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot how this works. Dear Santa, please see the below tweet…or X…what the fuck do we call it now-a-days? Is it still a tweet?

I finally got my 3, almost 4, year old to watch Star Wars, she put down YouTube to watch in fact, but Lucas Films/Disney should really provide us parents with a script to answer all of the “why” and “who is that” questions.

Ellie: who is that (pointing to Anakin Skywalker) Me (in my head, in an Arnold Schwarzeneggar voice): Jamie!! Me: it’s Anakin Skywalker

Ellie: who is that (in reference to Padme) Me: that’s Natalie Portman, most people don’t even realize she’s in Star Wars Ellie: who is Natalie Purple Me: Padme Ellie: I miss baby yoda

(Please read this in a maybe British/Scandinavian accent) One of ma greatist weaknesses is if I’ve add a tad bit ove al cohol an sum1 comes an toolks to me wit an axent, I adopt that axent like I was bawrn and raised wit it, because that’s how it was vocalized in me ed

Like if it makes sense

I’ll probably end up marrying a Hoboken girl

Sounds Food

Things I found under my couch this week from my 4yo: - yellow m&m - boston baked bean - AppleTV remote (real reason I was looking) - 10 euro cent - a hand - for those in the back that didn’t hear: A HAND - her homemade necklace from the 4th of July party - baby shark mat