It’s report card today. Oh my goodness, our son is such a smart, supportive and sweet boy! Sad Frogerson

Sharpening my eyebrow pencil the night before as a lil treat to myself in the morning ☑️

I just wiped my face with the remnants of a mustard sandwich cause I thought I was holding a napkin.

Illiterate clitoris

The world is a vampire

Just crushing life goals over here aka sculpting edible (tootsie) cat turds 💩

I am a giddy lil gal! Our puppy is supposed to be born today! Been waiting my whole life for this! 🐶

My new hobby is trying to emulate different metal screams, so if you see me shrieking in my car, mind ya business.

I farted and my sons goes, “Please control yourself, babe.”

Now my son is offering me money to stop farting.

Giif me en klappe papa!

Today when I dropped my kid off at school, one is his friends barrelled towards us across the schoolyard, at 100 km/h and hurled his body into the metal fence and said “I’m the kool-aid man!” To be a fly on the wall.

I ask my son and my niece what magical power they would want if they could have any and he goes “long fingers.” And her response was “underwater invisible mermaid.” I’d pick the latter.

I dunno!

Lol last night my son was sleep walking and he was upset about something so I snuggled him and tucked him back in and he goes “can you paint the walls black? There’s a hole in the floor you need to fix.”

Love the person that went far enough back into my timeline to mock a post I made supporting trans folk, and then immediately reacted “sad” to another post of mine announcing the loss of my daughter, kindly go fuck yourself sir!

If I was rich I would rescue horseshoe crabs

Life is so odd, I just spent the last hour messaging Merle-fucking-Allen, and he made me a painting in the process lol fuck! We just named our puppy after him so the timing is impeccable!

The dog doesn’t actually wanna cuddle, He wants to huf your glizzy breath Sad Frogerson