Whenever my girlfriend hits me with a “don’t overthink it” I feel like this

Pathetic. Desperate. Get lost.

The way I feel around lesbians is the way I imagine republicans feel around cops

WAIT!! Can we say grace?

sorry i've been weird lately i'm going through some personal stuff that will continue forever

the sassy man apocalypse is worsening. we need a vaccine NOW

Love bombing my professor so she’ll round up my grade

Me “that’s a tweet” Gf: deep sigh

I love it when people act like it’s genuinely normal for it to take 3 hours to get dressed and brush your teeth for the sake of dunking on people with adhd who take stimulants for it

if i were to ride through the desert on a horse i would at least give it a name, seems like the bare minimum

Always dtf (down to frolic)

recently befriended a horrendously ugly piece of human garbage. She makes me so sick. I wish people would be nice to her

you never know what burdens people are dealing with..

can't kill myself because i'm convinced i'm gonna be really good at being 34

Guns present 0 threat to those who are really good at bobbing and weaving

Eating Raising Cane's and moaning so loudly in the restaurant they’re calling the police