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Maybe you’re not really passive aggressive, maybe you’re just married.

I had to hack my own password

Spam is spam. Bye scammer.

I'm sorry you have the personality of a rock and haven't made a friend since middle school...

Oh, and just one more question – what in the actual fuck?

What if we’re all in cave man era time but some of us just happened to eat the wrong mushroom and are experiencing a time warp collectively ?

There’s nothing in the news meant to help you

Me: "i'm fine, it's fine" Narrator: "well now that's some bullshit right there let me tell you"

There is no self development without self awareness.

Back handed compliments imply the existence of front handed insults.

we’re past the point of no return and we only have ourselves to blame. I’m sure some of you will find a way to blame someone else though.

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

bad posture baddie

you should be able to call the ice cream truck like an uber

What I lack in Social Graces, I make up for in Condescending Remarks.

The biggest mistake you can make at work today is to strike up a conversation with a coworker.

The numbers mean nothing, they never did.

my flag isn’t green or red it’s starlight bitch ✨

I put the oof in aloof.

Why pick a lane when you can have them all !!