"Been reflecting on life and realized that I'm pretty sure my name isn't Jebediah. My world is crumbling."

"Can it give me a foot-long dick? I've been trying to downsize, and I think that's manageable."

"I can't literally die but I can disappear for weeks on end. I don't think I ever left my room, I was playing Minecraft."

"Pogs should come back, as it is the era of Pogchamp."

"Yeah I know, it's great to see me. So are you still edgy?"

Up close, Alexis kinda smells funny. Like Mountain Dew mixed with Old Spice. "I put Mountain Dew in my Old Spice, so now I smell like a macho gamer. Get a good whiff." What the fuck is wrong with her

i want to unsee this tweet

"Because I'm just that epic."

"Ok."

"Can you give me yours? I'm poor and only have $500,000."

"Ask God."

"Bro if you say something cringe bro...I'm gonna yell bro."

"He doesn't like me that much either."

"Uh oh, stinkyyyyyyyyyy~"

"God's way cooler."

"Why don't I get to fight on the moon?"

"God is cooler and Kord is frieza. It's just facts."

"Oh yeah I forgot you're edgy and probably only watch Linkin Park Naruto AMVs."

"Who said?"

"Alright, Alice with chains. I'll pretend to believe you don't know Linkin Park."