The aristocracy has no need for calendars or the knowledge of how pens work.

🙏🏼 Everyone should enjoy my work with kombucha

Oh no! My fave player is retiring! I was hoping to see him lift the Cup and I was hoping against hope to see him back in the bleu blanc & rouge one more time. But cheers to one of the best backliners to ever lace up skates. Best of luck in your next chapters, P.K. Subban

Reggae horn

You can’t trust graphs. They’re always plotting.

Can’t stop thinking about how for millenia, until about 150 years ago, everyone smelled like b.o. and campfire smoke all of the time.

People are always like “yeah, but what is Columbus, OH known for?” BRO-WE KILLED DIMEBAG!

Some of you didn’t attend parties in HS where you sat in a dark room with 10 friends, smoking, crying, listening to This Mortal Coil and it shows

Just pondering how writing residencies are mostly only open to people without kids or need of steady income. Do any of you know of any residencies that are open to folks *other than* young, single, privileged professionals?

My joy pill for today

Normally, I don’t believe in conspiracy theories. But the way the western world protects the fantasy of Santa Clause in all media and social interactions, the way they shut down and castigate anyone who doesn’t play along…🤔

Instead of calling it a “destination wedding”, just say you don’t want your poor friends to attend

Celsius is cool and all, but only in Fahrenheit can you have a Nice™️ 69° day

Fuck The Floor is Lava. The new game is The Floor is Pyroclastic Flow. No matter what you do, no one survives. No one.

Hey guys- I’m a big Beyoncé fan! Comment back if you’re a Beyoncé fan!

Privilege is telling your 6 y/o, “no buddy, the war isn’t going to come here. It’s very far away.”

Yes, this meeting could’ve been an email. It also could’ve just been a pleasant, 5-minute meeting if everyone in the room didn’t need validation.