You never know what could happen

Going to a wedding today and I’m wearing my Apple Watch FUCK YOU

I married my “TC” today 😭🥰❤️

Literally no one: My husband: If my name was Ron I would start a pizza shop and call it Peppe-Ron-i’s

I struggle with missing my son when I bring him back to his mom’s after a normal weekend…bringing him back after 9 days of vacation is next level. Tomorrow it will all subside and I’ll get into my routine. Tonight is fucking awful though. 🥺

Is the collapse of the housing market too much to ask???

Me: *opening the door for my husband who is carrying armloads full of take out* My husband: “Omg you’re such a gentleman! Chivalry is not dead!”

Me: What are you doing? Wife: Reading about dead bird symbols…

Are you also convinced you can hear spinal fluid moving in your neck or are you normal?

100 Days Until #Halloween 🎃

knowing that I love you, and running my fingers through your hair

I still like to consider myself a tough guy even though I love Hallmark stores

Talking my husband into a vasectomy: $1600 Finding out I need a hysterectomy 2 weeks later: priceless

I genuinely didn’t realize how hard it is for a white man to end up in prison until I watched my ex husband rack up felony after felony and he’s still just walking free, committing crimes daily. Fuck this country, man.

Nick Cannon is a menace

laughing like fools in bed together is a love language.

The Vegas Sphere is gonna be giving some kids nightmares