Everybody synced to my period at work

not a golddigger but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. that shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly

if he dies on 9/11 it’ll be like the towers came back up

being sick with 3 nose piercings is not for the weak, every time i blow my nose i feel like my boogers are being held captive

waited 45 minutes on the white house livestream for it to just be about space force

idk why I was surprised john cena has a wife. i just kinda assumed he comes home talks to his amazon alexa for a while goes to bed

If you have a scale in your bathroom I will weigh myself and unfortunately it will kill the vibe

realising that everyone around me irl thinks using ai is fine

What are you getting her for 9/11 this year

this is not fun banana bread conversation.

No I’m not good at parking. I’m beautiful instead

my niece got $40 from the tooth fairy and been tryna yank her teeth out ever since. this recession hitting everybody

Visiting my grandpa look at his freezer

I be at other ppl house turning their lights off

y’all want racists dead until they actually die

south park writers room rn

aint seen tweets this funny since the queen got packed