crazy how when i don’t text someone back it’s because i’m busy but when someone doesn’t text me back it’s because they hate me

“wow you ask great questions” thanks i am trying desperately to keep this conversation alive

i am not having a baja blast i am actually kind of having a baja hard time

Sorry i can’t today i have my agonies

hey sorry i won’t be able to make it tonight, i turned my neck weird and now my whole week is a bust

one day you’re young and the next day you’re writing “thanks a million” in an email

The energy Taylor Swift fans have for her music, I have for Boar’s Head premium deli meats and cheeses

whoever discovered garlic was on their shit

quitting my job so i can be a bitch full time

Imagine getting sucked off while they shampoo your hair at a salon

you ever cut someone off and just breathe better

“wtf are you on” oh just my last nerve

Bro there’s nothing worse than when the jig is up

spoil me with consistency and reassurance.