Who is second best? That’s good enough for me.

75% of the email in my Gmail spam folder was not spam. What happened to the once mighty spam filter?

My Alexa apparently bricked itself in the middle of the night. It’s just on an endless boot loop. Probably good I don’t depend on it for an alarm clock. I’d be very late to my meetings this morning.

One of our new grad orientees has the Figs onesie scrubs. It actually looks cute on her but 😮😂

“Good mescaline comes on slow. The first hour is all waiting, then about halfway through the second hour you start cursing the creep who burned you, because nothing is happening...and then ZANG!” —Hunter S. Thompson

Me every single time I override zofran from the Omni cell because I can not, for the life of me, remember how to sell ondansetron.

Sometimes I feel like that as a trans woman that transitioned in her mid-thirties that I should have a better understanding of why men are the way they are, but I swear to god I can’t even begin to comprehend them.

I am incredibly hung over. I haven’t been this hung over in ages.

“Are those band aids?” —my 9yo son in the maxi pad aisle at Kroger. - No, they’re not band aids “What are they?” - Maxi pads “Oh.” 😂

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car

Can confirm.

I can see the street lights turning on.

My idea of a haunted house is a sit-down restaurant that closes in 61 minutes.

Maybe asking a licensed nurse for her controlled substances over a text message is just a bad idea. No I’m not giving or selling you my adhd meds.

Saying, “can’t we just diurese off the fluid we put in,” in a room full of nephrologists, just to feel something.

Asking for an appropriate amount of sedation in a room full of neurosurgeons, just to feel something.

“I just think the patient who had part of their skull removed and that we shoved tubes into every hole of their body should be given the opportunity to be reasonably free of pain, anxiety, and able to rest.”

Sure.

When Kroger said the 21st, they weren’t kidding. 🤢

“Listen, I’m the doctor! You’re the nurse! They are orders, not suggestions!”