I have just returned from a diplomatic to the Congo and I can testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo...😀

Yeh I could do with a session. What you thinking drink or smoke?...😀

Why what's going on?...😀

Angela literally only spent five minutes talking to someone before realising they were Republican and this was the effect. Be careful out there...😀

I am the Messiah and a naughty boy...😀

The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy, but these are new. They look human - sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot...😀

This is what you get when Daniel Craig and a Space Elf get mixed together in a transporter malfunction...😀

And on this day the Lord said 'Wow this is some really good doob. Now go forth and smoketh thyself to sleep'...😀

Sorry Stephen. I'm not buying that book...😀

It back...😀

Elon Muski...😀

You don't. You come straight from the Dandy comic strip...😀

I see Gary Barlow is still taking hostages...😀

I think you beleive I have some kind of fetish cleaning feet...😀

It's a total eclipse of the eclipse...😀

Update: The engineer has come round and told me the Rapture machine needs new parts but my Rapture machine is an old model so getting parts will take a while. Sorry for the inconvenience...😀

After the Rapture, the only border crisis will be the one in Hell.

Sorry everyone. The Rapture machine is broken. I'm on it but I'm just waiting for an engineer to call me back. Said he'd call within the next hour or two hopefully...😀

Who's looking after my diary as I don't have a Rapture down for today?...😀

Sorry no donuts. Donut machine is broken...🙃