I am absolutely in shambles at the fact that the puppet did a double take and stepped back lmfaooooooo

y'all on here crying and sharing phone numbers like it's graduation LMFAOOOOOO

today is really hard for girls who like hot dogs and look really good in red lipstick but don’t want to be mistaken for patriotic. keep us in your prayers 💔

Sometimes youre not in the mood for the Trader joe’s experience and u have to go anyway and it’s sooo scary

when they ask me what year the war ended

another day, another dollar let's get this bread 💪

Ayn Rand really did look like when Timmy from Whitest Kids U Know played a girl, huh

One of the wildest things people have been brainwashed into thinking is that we shouldn’t really enjoy life much, that hard work is more important than a nice life. So anyway good for everyone enjoying life while they work from home.

me going non-verbal at the function

Tina Fey had Jimmy Fallon dead to rights more than a decade ago in her memoir Bossypants. Will never forget this account about his exchange w/Amy Poehler in an SNL writers’ room…

I’m really not sure ppl who don’t work in retail or the restaurant biz understand just how wild the public is on a daily basis. At least once a week someone pulls some ish that it would never even occur to me to do in a public setting.

Why I Don’t Believe in Astrology Unless It Reaffirms Something I Already Thought: ow.ly/XEYB50PMLNP

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a girl in want of several library books will have all of her holds come in on the same day

when my pregnant friend pulled me aside and was like “I just wanted to get ahead of this.. we’re naming her Grace but it’s not after you. It has nothing to do with you”