FOR GOODNESS SAKE CAPITALISM STOP ADDING WATER TO MEAT!

Just been sent this 😂

Wordle 212 4/6 ⬛🟨⬛⬛⬛ 🟩⬛⬛🟨🟨 🟩⬛🟨⬛🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

And I felt like I was late to the party. #MyTwitterAnniversary

Dooley in action

The next The Comedy Remedy Club gig coming up is in Uckfield on 16 March 2022! The line up includes @Jonny_meese Victoria Melody @aimeecooperform Paul Griffiths Matt Roseblade & headliner Fiona Ridgewell!!! jokepit.com/comedy-in/tunb…

This is me. You should have seen me yesterday when the nuthatch scared off the goldfinch!

Stop selling our stuff. It's not yours to sell. It's ours, and we've paid for it. And definitely don't sell it to your mates and let them charge us extra to use it.

Grab your tickets now for the June Stomping Ground Comedy! Slight change in line up, our headliner is now the brilliant Nx the line up also includes the very funny Annabel Edmonds, Sam Williams & Karen Hobbs Tickets; eventbrite.co.uk/e/live-at-the-…

I'm less interested in whether the PM goes than how quickly the entire government goes. Dream situation is that PM narrowly wins and calls a general election, which the government loses by a landslide.

UCKFIELD!!! The Comedy Remedy Club is back at the Station Pub on Wednesday. Grab your tickets now!!! jokepit.com/comedy-in/tunb…  Our headliner this month is the brilliant @jenivescomedian plus Alex Petrovic Shannon Sumthing, Dawn Williams, Daniel Daly, Timothy Woodbridge and Ben Carter!

Do you buy cathedral city cheese? Then give this a read. Just dropped from the environment agency. #riverpollution

This is a fascinating thread. We will never win by logic and reasoning.

Uckfield next Wednesday with our TV headliner Olga Koch! Tickets: jokepit.com/comedy-by/599

The will of the people is that we have a general election. Pass it on.

Not long now and not many tickets left! Grab your tickets asap for Stomping Ground Comedy! The line up includes MC Darren Pizzazz Alex Mason, kate Barella Ben Carter and headliner Esther Manito Tickets can be purchased through the link below; tinyurl.com/2y8wafvn

Come and see my award-nominatingly good comedy hour on Saturday in Brighton! halfacamel.com/events/simon-h…

Britain faces a simple and inescapable choice - stability and strong Government with me, or chaos with Ed Miliband: facebook.com/DavidCameronOf…