(guy who loves fun fairs responding to his friend opening up about his crippling depression) that's nothing a day at the fun fair can't solve

My professor tried to hit me with his car because I did so badly on a test

Fuck it bro. Let’s all start breastfeeding again

using this video as inspiration to train harder

the usb cable has got to be one of the most popular ways of connecting a device

Scran

i have theorised a new element with 1 big proton the size of a grapefruit

I’m pouring a glass of water over them and saving countless lives

do not mistake my bowtie spinning around for a sign of approval. the spinning was unrelated to your actions

(Voice full of regret) look how high I can go on the swings

Yes, you live in a simulation. But you’re also a real guy. And the simulation is only running so we can examine your depressing and shameful inner life. Everyone here in the real world is laughing at you

Nice selfie. Mind if I spend the next 30 minutes kissing my phone screen

the strokes should be called the strums on account of what they do to their guitars

Fat boy got his shit rocked

The trick to street knife fights is to relax and be yourself

go out and buy two tombstones. one that says 'i was right' and one that says 'i was wrong'

(Tosses you my dream journal) everything you need to know is in there

'the good stuff' officially becomes the highest selling product of all time

you basically need one photo of yourself with a open head wound and blood all over your face so you can use that to get out of any event you don't want to go to

If I was a cage fighter I would stop fights all the time and complain that my opponents aren’t allowed to hit me because I have a force field