Yet another man blaming his shithead behaviour on neurodivergence. I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until my late thirties, Greg. I managed to avoid being accused of sexually harassing countless people because I’m not a weird pervy prick.

Just another day parking next to MX5s to show their owners what they could have had... #Y4SJU

"I said I was shocked by the secrecy and cover-up over the admission of thousands of Afghans to Britain at the cost of £7bn to the taxpayer. What did I say, Roy?" "You said 'I was Foreign Secretary when it happened'."

I appear to have found a race track. Would be terribly rude not to have a go, right? #Y4SJU

Oh, look, it's me on track!

Just a reminder that no matter how bad things seem to get, they can always get worse

Reform councillors in Warwickshire voting to appoint 19 year old George Finch as Council Leader.

Well Richard Porter and Jonny Smith - today's #OTOSOT has resulted in A - my partner observing me searching used funereal vehicles while in the bath and B - the realisation that said funereal vehicles are shatting expensive. 🤯

Just fitted some new mats to Luigi-san... Thanks to the people at CarMats.co.uk - I absolutely LOVE them! #Y4SJU

late watching Masterchef let’s remind ourselves of this little beauty also fuck off, Gregg

Took the long way to mothers, stumbled on some countryside, 8.5/10, would recommend... #Y4SJU

⚠️Due to the emergency services responding to an incident at Bushey, lines are blocked, with London Northwestern Railway & Avanti West Coast services suspended to and from Euston 📲 For the latest travel info, please check nationalrail.co.uk 💛 Be safe 💛 Be patient 💛 Be kind

📢 #LNRUPDATE 1 - Emergency services dealing with an incident in the Bushey area 🔴 Two of the four lines have reopened - services can pass through the area but with severe congestion and delays. 🎫 Previous ticket acceptance remains in place. ℹ️ orlo.uk/fRfYb

If your A level results are disappointing, don’t worry. I got a C and two Us and here I am today, installing lights for a helicopter landing pad in my garden.

Wishing the very best of luck to all those collecting their results this #ALevelResultsDay. If you get the grades you wanted, congratulations! If you don't, here's a long load of general waffle about what I did after mine, if only to show you the direction life can take... 🧵

Gone and had the weave de-greyed. It's a wonder I haven't come home completely bald, tbqfhwy. #ElderlyAF

This evening's Slop Du Jour will be Chicken, Chorizo and Vegetable Pasta - with plenty of leftover sauce to freeze. #HeyFatty

Sooooooo, I appear to have fallen for the Jjjjaaaaggggggggg F Type. Please send help. Or cash.

1 leftover sausage is a wonderful thing - It could be enjoyed straight from the fridge, or you could add a few mushrooms that have seen better days, some butter and some chopped spring onion and pile it all into a toasted bap... I mean, you don't have to, but you could. #HeyFatty

Picked up a mahooosive pork shoulder yesterday, slathered it in garlic, rosemary and Dijon overnight and now it's in the oven for at least six hours. See you later, piggy! #HeyFatty