There should be an NFL player whose gimmick is he screams in agony every time he's tackled and you don't know if he's gonna make it or not. That would be exciting for the audience

//Young Mal n Lyra

//Maybe I should make a young (21-22 y/o) Mal at some point bc he'd be so much fun to write. Insufferable clown of a man

Desperately using the sunlight serum from last winter to claw myself out of hibernation... Hallo! When is this.

//the stupid lil 🤠 emoji is so painfully Mal and I hate it

my wife: why is there cabbage all over the bathtub me: my showerkraut!

feel empty🫩? searching for a higher purpose🆙? want to contribute to your community and to a greater good🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒? YOU 🫵 are the perfect sacrifice for the sun god🌞

//me designing this guy:

Your frown technique is useless; I spent 1,00 years training in the Smiling Fist Style

the "D" in OCD stands for "dragon" btw so it's actually perfectly fine for me to be hoarding objects in my bed and in fact its actually healthy and good for them to be mostly metal ones too

//This is so Mal to me

they should make a pierogi that has a little fortune inside

i love your shifting tendons babe. i love how youve lost all resemblance to a human being

Got drunk and started talking in iambic pentameter

Spaced out for ten minutes and when I zoned back in I realized I had accidentally drawn a detailed timeline of what will happen over the course of the next thousand years -_-

I was just thinking about buying a Stanley to store my molten lava in but after seeing this, I’ll definitely be taking my business somewhere else

I cant talk (I'm sick) so I pantomime making a balloon dog and handed him to my boyfriend who FUCKING ATE IT so now I'm pantomiming grief

no the cute tiefling with wide hips won’t fix you, you will jolt awake in the middle of the night because one of her horns will have accidentally pierced your jugular when she rolls over

Ew. There is some freaky parasite on this depressed half elf. It is okay little guy. I will get rid of that nasty thing for you. Perhaps I can cauterize it out of h-... Ah no, he has left. Nonono, please return to my uncomfortably sweaty priest. Pspspspsps