Coldplay finally earned its name

Every parent has enjoyed going for a walk with their kid and have them grab a limb or a leaf and then have it whipped back into your face.

My wife signed us up for a community scavenger hunt. So far, I've killed six scavengers.

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

Don't you hate it when you're digging up a body and halfway down realize you're at the wrong grave?

What if bacon doesn't really come from pigs... that's just want the pigs want us to think?!

I bet there's so much sand inside an ostrich's ears.

I would never, ever enter the Black Forest if it weren't for the ham.

Camels might be storing diamonds in their humps. We'll never know. Science hasn't progressed that far yet.

If I was a bat, I'd want to be an extra in the Bat Cave in a Batman movie. Think of the bragging rights.

I wonder if the buffalo care that they got taken off the nickel.

I refuse to eat any chicken that a fast food restaurant calls "tendies."

Vegetable compartment in the fridge? You mean second cheese drawer

Way too many of you are carrying Bingo cards around.

I wear a clown mask to sleep just in case one of my kids has a nightmare and comes to sleep in our bed.

This Snickers wrapper says it was "Fun Size" and it's true. I did have fun. I really did.

Michael Buble singing "Santa Baby" just came on the radio and I changed the station. I JUST SAVED CHRISTMAS!

Parenting confession: Sometimes I say "Nice job!" to my kids when really they just did an adequate job.

The great thing about wearing a bolo tie is that you can easily hang yourself when you realize you are wearing a bolo tie.