If I worked at a mayonnaise factory, I would just say “what the Hellman?”anytime someone made a mistake and everyone would love me.

why neck hurt

Roses are red I play the recorder Let’s have some fun with schizoaffective disorder

Roosters crow but crows don't rooster, really makes you think.

You wouldn't download a car Well yeah, not without faster Internet speeds

Gonna write a three chord song called Déjà Vu, but you probably heard it before.

They say love is deaf, dumb and blind but sure plays a mean pinball.

Millions of peaches, peaches for free is a terrible business model

the Super Sloppy Double Dare question writers going fucking off for no reason on this children's game show, hell yeah

I came I saw I want to play a game

Is that a banana in your pants? Because if it is that's fruit theft.

I like watching romance movies because it makes me want to f̶a̶l̶l̶ i̶n̶ l̶o̶v̶e̶ destroy the planet.

THEM: | || || |_ ME: I'm sorry for your loss

I’m dead. The internet remains undefeated. 😂☠️

If you bake, you’re a baker. If you bake a baker, you’re a murderer

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want So tell me what you want, what you really really want, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna steal the spice trade. -The Dutch to Portugal

Trying to boldly split an infinitive.

Gonna write a book about machines that look like plants called Cacti, Robot.

Mommy Issues, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo Mommy Issues, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo Mommy Issues, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo Oedipus Complex

Just saw a genie order a Djinn and Tonic at this bar. I wish I made this up.