My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.

Ticketmaster be like: Concert ticket: $40 Venue fee: 21.32 Access fee $18.32 Paperless transmission fee: $12.03 Fee Fee: $8.84 Fi Fo Fum: $3.43 Cuz We Can Fee: $2.01 Might as well fee: $1.89 WTF you gonna do nigga, not go? fee: $1.38 Another dollar won’t hurt nobody fee: $1.00

I keep thinking about how workers tend to be so loyal to employers but it doesn't go the other way around. Feeling hopeful for a growing trend of employees being loyal to themselves, their health, their families, and showing loyal solidarity with fellow workers.

op-ed: everyone more worried than me about omicron is a maniac and everyone less worried than me is an idiot

Me as a Christmas movie critic: - Good. - It's good. - It's good! - Good. - This is a good one. - This one's really good! - Good, not great. - It's good. - Sooo good! - Another good one. - Great! (Hint: they're all good!) 🎅🎄🎁

This just in from the CDC: Whatevs.

Since the pandemic started, ten U.S. men doubled their collective wealth from $750 billion to $1.5 trillion. They pay a lower tax rate than the middle class. We just sent 5 million kids into poverty by taking away the child tax credit to "save" $60 billion. Billionaire tax now.

weekend > weakened

How about a reboot of "Jolene" where she's like, "Jolene, go ahead and take my man, you can have him" and Jolene is like, "Nah, I don't want him" and the two women end up lifelong friends?

Legit gave myself a repetitive stress injury from pounding so much Dr Pepper over the years... Worth it!

You guys, hot flashes are no joke. 😳 You wake to find yourself in a pool of sweat, or as I like to call it, "a super sweater event."

yeah sex is cool but have you ever cleaned your apartment because you think you're going to have sex with someone but you go home alone and have a clean apartment and moisturised legs

Please tell me there will be a Yellowstone/Tulsa King crossover where Beth and Dwight will go head to head or toe to toe or head to toe or whatever

"No, please. Call me Bad. Mr. Bunny is my father." - Bad Bunny

Not surprised "The Other Two" got canceled. Still disappointed! But not surprised. They focused on the wrong people! Please tell me there will be a spinoff called "Everyone Else." I need more Lance in my life! And Chase, Pat, Shuli... even Streeter, lol.

Moved to Vegas to reinvent myself. Been here a week, and it's taking FOREVER.

Fifty and Fair to middling

Went to the dentist and got a crown cause that's the kind of princess I am.

I hope OnlyFans doesn't delete my account when they find out I'm also a teacher.

Is it too late to be a nepo baby? 🤔