All past-presidents should have a WhatsApp group. Imagine that. “Was it you?” “Wasn’t me either!” “Nah. Wasn’t me!” “Lying bastard!”

Pep’s got in lumber(jack). Yellow card.

Good luck to all the police horses in Newcastle this afternoon. #NEWSUN

Looking at the moment like Pep won’t need his scratch mitts on today.

Look up the NW Passage? Sounds like a proctologist’s job.

Twin-tubbed!

I think that’s the yeast of our problems.

Holy smoke!

It’s almost as if it’s season ticket renewal time.

One of the great mysteries of life . . . why does Daniel Sturridge get more punditry work than Nedum Onuoha?

Harry Maguire getting an additional one-game ban for swearing at a ref after being sent off. Meanwhile, Rodri's ability to escape punishment on and off the field is unrivalled.

Extra game ban for Maguire. Should be no trouble this weekend for us with the officials, though. Michael Oliver, who we’ve got on Saturday, thought it was okay for Joe Hart to do this.

All the best books have a twist at the end.

There’s so much to hate about modern football.

Is it Michael Barrymore’s return to TV . . . Only Pools And Corpses?

I’d love to know how much City *really* paid for Cherki. #MCIARS

“HOLD THE BACK PAGE!” Ball boys/girls doing their job. 🤷‍♂️

Some would argue that it’s a bit fairer to crown the winners after everybody has played everybody else, home and away. 🤷‍♂️

This could see me binning it all off!

Wouldn’t you think that, in 2026, they’d used the word “woman” rather than World Record Split?