If quarantine is going to continue for a while I’m going to need another pair of sweatpants.

What is the best time to switch from caffeine to alcohol? And should I spend $200 on loungewear?

I tore off my own acrylic nails, my pixie cut is growing into a mullet, and the eyelash extensions I have left are all facing down. We can do this.

Instead of being productive it’s like I’m subconsciously protesting my lack of activity options by doing absolutely nothing, ever.

Day 20: my husband just made a tequila cocktail with our son’s mango purée baby pouch.

So far today I went for a run, showered, put on clean sweatpants, Birkenstock’s, lip gloss, and diamond earrings. Now I’m about to make piña coladas. I don’t know who I am anymore.

My husband accidentally threw his Juul into a trashcan fire today. And reached his arm in to retrieve it without hesitation.

I don’t know why “daddy issues” has such a stigma. I mean, who doesn’t have daddy issues? And why are you such a liar?

During these trying times Shane just proposed that I become a cam girl. My husband wants to pimp me out to the internet. He’s the sweetest.

Why does rice make so much rice?

I just said “I miss sports”... My longing for normalcy has officially peaked.

I put workout clothes on thinking Id be more likely to workout. Then poured myself a beer. So. Here we are.

Ever walk into a room during a power outage and just flip the light on and then hate yourself?

Me trying to talk to people once quarantine is over: Miss Teen USA 2007, Miss South Carolina.

I haven’t had any alcohol 2 days in a row and I am way too proud of that.

Please, tell me what you know about wind Donald J. Trump

Playing heads up with my little sister and the word was “Al Pacino” and I said “The God Father!” And she said “uhm Mel Gibson!?” And then I died because I’m old.