The way imma give this nikka anniversary pussy i might need to pop 2 plan Bs

I gotta keep it so when i fart

But like seriously, what am I doing??

Do you think Donald J. Trump knows his inaugural speech has to be more than 140 characters?

There is so much lint on Donald's coat #Inauguration

That moment when you suck up your wine using a veggie straw

Dr. Seuss cartoon from 1941 and for some reason it's still relevant....

Drinking Smooth Move on my way to the bar and proud

My plane is so old that I don't even have seat back pockets. Where am I supposed to put my water bottle that I spent $10 on?

Instead of showing the map on the screen I have a literal atlas.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *tears stream down my face* someone help us x.com/mehdirhasan/st…

◻️single ◻️in a relationship ☑️bats are just rat angels 🤔

Please slap me if I ever think about deleting this app LMFAO x.com/Pea_txt/status…

The American public wasn't even trusted to use Four Loko responsibly but apparently high powered rifles are fair game

When you try to sing all the parts

Evidence collected over many years, obtained from many locations, indicates that the power of Prayer is insufficient to stop bullets from killing school children.