Just because they gaslight you doesn’t mean you’re not crazy

Why be sad when you can dress like a time traveler who miscalculated the dates

I’m in a toxic relationship with my uterus

My hourglass figure is counting down to something horrid

Don’t make me unleash my inner goddess. She’s leashed for a good reason.

The one thing you should never use a dating app for is actual dating. Order up some dick. Get paid. Hack. Just don’t try and date.

I have not changed. I have become more myself.

I woke to the unnerving sound of someone slowly stirring yogurt next to my head but thankfully it was just the cat grooming her haunches.

Hold me like you hold bagpipes.

I should be on my fourth husband by now but I was full after the third.

I’ve been ghosting people since the 14th century

I wear a mask while driving so no one can tell I’m screaming.

It’s time to start preparing your bodies for summer. I usually thaw them for a few days and prepare a brine bath.

I took a nap so good that now I have hypersleep psychosis.

My current aesthetic is Olmec werejaguar priest amidst bloodletting frenzy atop step pyramid with a horseshoe crab spike.

No need to panic. They’re simply paving the way to legally grow body parts organically in living human female wombs.

My attachment style is derelict ship floating in deep space with something dormant on it waiting to drive you mad.

Let me slip into something more comfortable… {sinks into bog}