I keep getting banned from places when I try to explain my spicy peach baba ghanouj using emojis and I just don't get it.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE From this point forward, every post critical of the Tiara must be followed by the text "Just Kidding" (or the approved abbreviation "J/K") and either a smiley or a winking smile. The upside-down smile will not be considered sufficient compliance.

Good news, everypony! I've been hired to improve Twitter's codebase!

My new "Pink Check" verification system will put a pink checkmark next to any account willing to Pinkie Pie Swear that they are who they say they are.

Sharing a link to this amazing RL documentary on human cyber-security: youtu.be/DUk3A5DvLFI

I've got a new idea for Twitter! It involves something called "Mastodon Instances" which is an exciting new tech I perfectly understand!

(sputters incoherently)

Feeling irresponsible, may delete (a lot of data) later

Oh, sure, my Aunties get their own SPECIAL pills; where's the teal blister pack with a heart on it, I ask?

I feel like I'm doing an excellent job with this Twitter consultancy I've got going on.

There are some real Negative Nancies around!

Time to check out the hot new game that just released, Elden Ring! I'm sure glad to be right in the thick of all the hype surrounding this new game, which is winning multiple game of the year awards for 2022 darn it anyway I heard you can be a sheep in it or something 11/10

*wheezes, clutching chest and gasping for air*

What I'm hearing from this is that I win.

Proof for the new Cadance and Flurry Heart iridescent prints arrived today! 💙 #mylittlepony

Hey ponies, just started my first official day at Cloudstrike, and I've got a good feeling about the day!

Please stop calling about the lack of lightning today! This is a KNOWN ISSUE. Lightning will resume as normal in 48-72 hours.