My child died. I am not the same. I never will be. My heart hurts without him. I yearn to hold him. To feel his heart beat against mine. For his Eskimo and butterfly kisses. For his laugh to drown out the silence where his voice once occupied. He will always be apart of me.

I’d rather be drowned and tortured and left alive lol very single day, over and over again, then live with the pain of not having my son here on this earth with me anymore. I fucking hate Cancer.

Why me?

Sometimes I selfishly want the world to end in a peaceful way so my boys and I don’t have to live another day without my Bentley.

I am at rock bottom.

And I feel like nobody cares.

Maybe I’ll feel like me again, someday

I’m so tired of feeling so sad, lost, hopeless and alone.

I hope and pray you never have to sign a DNR for your child and carry it around with you. I hope and pray you never have to plan a funeral for your baby and receive a death certificate in the days following.

I need sleep

I have endured some of the most unfair battles and circumstances that happen in life and have remained sober. For that I’m proud.

I will never not be sad

Every time I look in the mirror I see the image of my son who is no longer here in the deep depths of big brown eyes

I deserve the very best things in this life after all of the hurt I’ve endured.

I just want to know how to get back to a good place.

Thinking back on how my nickname was baby cakes in high school & college when I actually had big cakes 🎂

I literally look back and laugh at the fact that someone cheated on me when my son was literally dying. Who in the actual fuck would ever do that to a person lmao. Glad I have my bf now tho, never settle 💗

Someone’s cool mom 💁🏻‍♀️

Imagine someone loving you as much as you love them.