What's good??

"Hi!! Can I pet your dog??" - the most annoying ass white girl you've ever fucken met

My morning ritual of waking up and being a bitch to my mom

Everyone go follow my boyfriend. I don't wanna say who he is though

Why does every bitch trying to find herself take a pottery lesson

Basing my entire self worth on how much eye contact the waiter gives me vs everyone else at the table

Who actually likes beets? I feel like we just eat them bc they exist

I feel inferior to one of my cats, but superior to the other one.

Yeah, it's spelled J as in jalapeño, A as in aisle, C as in cnidarian, and K as in knickerbockers :)

Emotionally abusing a specific person at work by consistently adding them last every time I send an email 😈

Starting my kid young so they can get into Harvard for D1 breakdancing!

how i respond to various text messages i receive: haha - killing myself lmao - killing myself lol - killing myself

JD Vance Refridgeration

One of my followers is worth a thousand of yours. Remember that.

I am not annoying, I’m genius — that’s what I learned at Harvard. At Yale, I learned to be dress well and find the right Spotify playlists. At Stanford i learned about science and when to let go of insecurity. And at Oxford, I learned how to embrace my femininity through keto.

Watching RuPaul's Drag Race before work is the mental equivalent of eating hot cheetos for breakfast

Catch me dead wasting calories to "shake to reveal" a pic of you and your boyfriend on your insta story jessica

metrosexual is back in a big way. It never left, of course—metrosexuals walk among us as chic normals every day—but the term was retired for its 2000s gaucheness. Now, it is time for the metrosexual revival