No matter where you go, or who you coach... I will always root against you Pete Carroll. #GoNiners #DirtyPete #BruinPride

Poor living conditions, everyone has a weapon of some form, be a winner forever, or possibly die trying... #SochiHungerGames2014 #Putin #Win

Chris Farley would have been 50 today. We miss you.

The only upside of a long distance relationship is not having to impress anyone on the day your deodorant runs out. #GoTheDistance #Degree

Have fun on that great wave in the sky Hobie Alter, you're truly a legend. #HobieAlter #ThanksForTheJob #GameChanger

Desperately seeking a job where "Dance Commander" is considered an appropriate bullet on the résumé. #FreelanceDance #OfficePartyStarter

Bought a calendar today... pretty sure they should be half priced by now. #2014 #Calendar #Staples #Robbery #StartingACalendarCompany

Few things in life are as satisfying as a broken down tow truck... You're guaranteed irony at it's finest. #Irony #TowTheWindows #TowTheWall

YEEEEEEESSSSSSSS! #ARSENAL HAVE WON THE FA CUP! HOW DOES IT FEEL, #ARSENAL FANS?!

70 years ago, they spelled freedom in blood, on a beach far from home. Thank you all for your eternal sacrifice. #DDay

From here on out, if there is a match on, consider me entirely unavailable. #WorldCup2014 #USMNT #Brasil2014

A Müller hat trick and not a whisper from Ronaldo... Excellent start to a Monday! #WorldCup2014 #GermanyVsPortugal #Vaterland

Rule of surf law: The day-glo wetsuit guy either throws buckets, or will fin stab you in the throat as he bails on the wave he just snaked.

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.

Get at it Gunners! #NorthLondonDerby #Arsenal #OhToBeAGooner

Thanks LegenD #LandonDonovan #USMNT

If people can get their weird ass inventions in Hammacher Schlemmer, you too can achieve your wildest dreams! #InspirationWednesday #XMas

Oh my god I quit

We'll never be as cool as our dads were, when our dads thought they were as cool as Magnum P.I. #Magnum #FloralPattern #AllDay

USA USA USA!!! #USWNT #🇺🇸 #GloryGloryHallelujah #IBelieve