There’s literally an academy award winning movie where a central plot point is “Hugh Freeze doesn’t know how to coach a high school offensive line”

Lots of people are scared of flying but it's actually the safest form of air travel

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“these kids on TikTok are melting their brains. Just endless short form video, devoid of context, auto playing the next before you can process what you just saw” —guy who watches NFL Redzone

Well this just blew out of nowhere and into my yard so I can only assume I’m about to be murdered by a gay clown. Pour one out for me frens

Update. It’s been 8 hrs and I can’t focus on anything bc my cognitive background is devoting 80% of resources to this mystery.

Look the important point here is that he recognizes this is a good account

Chat if I see OBAA wo AccountantDaughter who expressed interest am I being a bad father? Conflicted here.

Me Explaining to HotPharmaWife My latest email To the HOA

Undercutting this. Offering 36-approved names for only $28k Frembelton Dorowitz <last name> Gorbleton <goes by Gorb> Etc

DOUBLE THE TYLENOL RATIONS!!

I weighed 221.8 this morning We are approaching “gaunt scarecrow” in my old clothes

I have discovered a truly marvelous name, which this tweet is too narrow to contain. (And it can be yours for $24k)

This a true fan. D1 was born before the Iron Bowl. I told intake: “you can discharge us 45 min before kickoff or anytime after the game ends.” They walked in as teams were lining up, & learned I was not joking. (Auburn won, and D1 watched the whole thing in my arms)

Look I’m gonna drop the price to $21k per baby name and sell my superior skills by pointing out that “Fermata” is itself a *hauntingly beautiful* name and UnseriousDude glossed right over that. smh

Weird Al