My 4 yo just informed me that she likes our new house bc our old house had ghosts and they couldn't eat bc they had masks on. I -... 😳🫠

Hot take: beef wellington is a meat twinkie.

Do you think fish line up different lures and argue about ideal colors and body shapes?

If you hear bells, it's Santa. If you hear chains, it's Krampus. -My 9 year old to my wife

I changed up my face a little.

Is this what I'm supposed to be selling?

Does it count as "it's just the drugs talking" if it's my antidepressants working?

Now is as good a time as any to tell people that Rick Rubin is a behind-the-scenes rightwinger who tries to recruit music industry folks to Q-anon type stuff and is who (according to Kanye) convinced Kanye to meet Candace Owens and endorse Trump. He just looks like a hippie.

This is an abomination

What in the "I'm a nice guy" is wrong with so fuckin many of you guys. Did a dig through some of the posts and shit and it gets progressively worse. Yall aren't involuntarily celibate because this behavior is a choice. Get your shit together.

Dear authors & readers: does anyone use Kindle Vella anymore? Is it worth it to post there as I go, before packaging it into novels? Comment your experience, from either side of the fence!

We out here

Folks, it’s come to our attention that Stub Hub is actively advertising tickets to our shows. Stub Hub is a reseller, as most of you know, not an official ticketing source. The prices we see tickets going for there are more than twice as much as actual ticket prices.

A friendly reminder #AdhesiveAdvice

The sleeper hit from YouTube is finally making the leap to print! Preorder coming soon! Stay tuned...

I gladly accept these blessings & pass them on to those who need them.

BREAKING: In a stunning leak, JD Vance is found to be calling for a federal response to stop women from traveling from red states to blue states to receive reproductive healthcare. Retweet so all Americans hear this devastating leak.