I turned on the lights in the universe #mightybeard

"you look like Jesus" #iGethatAlot correction: Jesus looks like me #mightybeard

Worlds safest taco bell... #opencarry #mightybeard

If eve was made of barbecue spareribs would you eat her? #mightybeard

Dear people: stop Getting pregnant, kids scare me #mightybeard

Twenty five percent of people put condoms on inside-out...these are the people who are breeding. #mightybeard

I will not be forgotten

#whatthefuckamerica

Free beard rides to all the pretty ladies #mightybeard #immawhiteguy #yeahimdrunk

All the pretty ladies who like the beards stand up

My 100th tweet goes out to all my bitches with the big titties and large labias #AutoFollowMeNow #hayladies #mightybeard #imsexyandiknowit

Boobs are like the sun, you can only take quick glances. But wear sunglasses and you can stare till the world ends...#mightybeard

I will eat you like a fortune cookie, in bed... #mightybeard

Denim tuxedo mighty beard

You know what makes the dish? The stick of butter #mightybeard

I make inside jokes with strangers, i am the most interesting man on twitter. #mightybeard

I'm back ;) #bitches

Wanna see a penis? Up close?