This vendor nails sales like I confirm plans with friends... he has become my spirit guide.

Will use. Changing verb to “date” though in various contexts.

Hey folks, is anyone else really worried about Jeff Bridges?

I love in films like 300 where the main guy will say something like “get some sleep, for tomorrow we battle to death”, and everyone just goes into deep sleep, in some wet grass, fully clothed. I can’t get to sleep in a warm bed if I have a 10am conference call about content.

Thought Clay Aiken had aged before his time, happy to learn this is just a KFC ad #rebaismycolonel

Thought Dana Carvey was doing Master of Disguise 2, happy to learn this is just a KFC ad #rebaismycolonel

Canada! May the impending #extinction of #Canadian liquid #gold quicken you to lessen your #carbonfootprint | #CBC Life cbc.ca/life/food/plea…

how is it 2018 and still no one has genetically modified a banana that women can safely eat in public?!?!??

Depressed Groundhog Sees Shadow Of Rodent He Once Was trib.al/fH1Wrhb

Hey baby I hear the blues a-callin'

I don't know how your day is going but I just had my hands sea-salt scrubbed and body buttered by a nice Argentinian lady named Daniella.

Number of US school shooting deaths between 1776 - 1963: 86 Number of US school shooting deaths between 1964 - Present: 456 In case you were wondering, the assault rifle was invented in 1964. Parkland Florida happened because of an AR-15 assault rifle. #GunControlNow

i am rubber you are glue whatever you say bounces into my soul, is analyzed for days, affects me deeply, bounces off of me and sticks to you

What do the school shootings have in common? Guns, yes. But also, boys. It's always boys pulling the triggers. nyti.ms/2EKHbu4

Pope Francis Finds Self In Hell After Taking Wrong Turn In Vatican Catacombs trib.al/SCWqs9v

Shout out to the top five bons in the world, appetit, jour, voyage, anza and Jovi.

Teela is fed up with He-Man explaining really obvious things to her in a condescending manner. Or as I like to call it, hemansplaining. 💀👍

Just a friendly reminder that cheese is probably pretty good for you. For now. We think. cbc.ca/life/wellness/… #brieoncé #grilledcheeses #herestofeelinggoudaallthetime

“I went to a Botanical Garden” is code for “I have a girlfriend now.” The code for “I have a boyfriend now” is “I just started watching The Wire.”