ME: [wearing donuts as glasses] did u just call me immature WIFE: yes ME: [removes donuts & tries to clean with shirt] your moms immature

Computer. Enhance. En-HANCE. Rotate-holy crap

I'm trying to convince my coworker to go to lunch so I can eat the skittle under his desk

The problem is not that people are taxed too little, the problem is that the government spends too much.

If we ever forget that we are one nation under god we will be a nation gone under.

@erdillic Coach Jepsen

All potatoes are mashed potatoes if you eat them hard enough.

Do crabs thinks fish can fly?

What do you call a communist sniper? A marxman

get you a man who can do both

Welp it's #nationalpuppyday so here's Banjo givin' y'all a POUND! 👊🏼

@LukeErd i got owned but it felt good

Hillary Clinton is not qualified to be president because her judgement has been proven to be so bad! Would be four more years of stupidity!

While under no obligation to do so, I have raised between 5 & 6 million dollars, including 1million dollars from me, for our VETERANS. Nice!

Amazingly, with all of the money I have raised for the vets, I have got nothing but bad publicity from the dishonest and disgusting media.

Crooked Hillary Clinton and her team "were extremely careless in their handling of very sensitive, highly classified information." Not fit!