Things you don’t say to your wife: 1: No. I value my life

This time last year, some moron took pictures of @R4dic4lR3dR0s3y and myself basking on the back deck of our beach house naked. Three weeks ago, I was down in Florida and the sumbitch tried to blackmail me. I beat his ass. He then removed the pics.

Woke up this afternoon to @R4dic4lR3dR0s3y cleaning our bedroom in practically nothing. Fuck I’m blessed.

Is there a chemical in bacon that makes you wake up when the smell of it cooking hits your nose? Asking for a friend. @R4dic4lR3dR0s3y

Things I love waking up to in the morning: 1) My wife giving a special wake up gift. End of list. @R4dic4lR3dR0s3y

Fun fact about my wife @R4dic4lR3dR0s3y: She snores…when she’s super tired. Like tonight. We had people over and we might have overdone it. Why do I let brett daniels talk me into doing stupid shit when we’re drinking?

Day 1: I’m gonna need more lotion.

Day 3: My arm hurts.

Day 4: removed every single battery from the house. I mean EVERY battery. No more buzz buzz until I get buzz buzz.

Day 4 1/2: @R4dic4lR3dR0s3y wins. I can’t go on much longer.

That feeling when you got it after 4 days and were humbled in the process.

Things I want right now: 1) my wife @R4dic4lR3dR0s3y End of list

Alright, I’m opening the floor to questions. Ask Me Anything #AskJonCage

Note to self: When you got to piss in the middle of the night watch out for the edge of the bed. I stubbed my fucking toe and fought every urge to NOT wake up @R4dic4lR3dR0s3y and everyone else in the house with my screams of “fuck!!”

PSA: inversion tables are your friends.

Things I do to annoy my wife @R4dic4lR3dR0s3y: 1)Random jump scares 2)Exist

Made the mistake of passing out on the back deck last night. Woke up to a bird standing on my chest. @R4dic4lR3dR0s3y about pissed herself laughing so hard. The kids were laughing too. Fml

I told @R4dic4lR3dR0s3y that payback would be a motherfucker. We went camping last weekend and I drug her air mattress into the lake while she was sleeping. When she woke up she let out a yell that was music to my ears.

Throwback to when Reid was a baby on his first plane ride. @R4dic4lR3dR0s3y this was a great day.

Midnight falls on #Shockwave as The Darkest Day begins. Can veteran Jonathan Cage push back the darkness, or will enigmatic newcomer The Darkest Day make his mark in a most violent way? youtu.be/yXOnzWgZzT8