Today is my birthday. Who's up for a night of drunken carousing and traitor harassment?

And here I thought I had an unwieldy Christian name.

I might add: Is short by 2018 standards but could still beat most modern people in a fight. And is ridiculously good looking. And also British. Have I missed anything?

What? The Patriot is clearly a much worse movie than Twilight.

Especially when your enemies already think you're a monster. (Unfairly, I might add)

5 jobs I've had: -Cavalry officer -MP -Professional gambler -Writer -Seducer (I made money out of it, so it counts as a job)

a tremendous plan. the best and biggest plan.

*Ahem*

On his 250th birthday, let's take a moment to appreciate the uncanny likeness between Napoleon and Rod Stewart. #napoleon #napoleon250 #Napoleon250ans #rodstewart

If you've got it, flaunt it.

Flight attendant: Is there a doctor on this flight? Mum: *nudging me* that should've been you Me: not now, Mum Mum: Not asking for a dragoon to help, are they? Me: Mum, there's a medical emergency happening right now Mum: Go and see if killing some rebels helps

I seduced one of the most beautiful and accomplished women in England on a bet. We were a couple for almost 20 years.

Books in which rebels are automatically the heroes. x.com/showupforthis/…

Happy birthday, George IV 💎! Got you a little something. *hands him a gift*

You know Nazis are bad if even he won't endorse them. x.com/ernesttheduke/…

I didn't know there was a new historical fiction book about me! x.com/EJBrand/status…

“I don’t like tea” “Get out of my house”

I have a mini-me! I bet he's almost as cute as I was as a boy. x.com/BruhItIsFranci…

i didn't kill those kids. i didn't kill those kids.i didn't kill those kids.i didn't kill those kids.i didn't kill those kids.i didn't kill those kids.i didn't kill those kids.i didn't kill those kids.i didn't kill those kids.i didn't kill those kids.i didn't kill those kids.280.

Normally I'd suggest that America rejoins the UK, but right now you seem like more trouble than you're worth. But pray do something about your orange tyrant, at least. x.com/RadioFreeTom/s…