Legend has it the "M" in MTV once stood for music.

"I'm going to bed" really means "I'm going to lay in my bed and waste time on my phone."

I don't play "hard to get", I play "never going to happen".

It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman...it doesn't matter if its Visa or Mastercard

When life knocks me down, instead of getting back up I usually lay there and take a nap.

That awkward moment when its quiet in class and your stomach decides to make that dying walrus sound.

Why I turn on the TV: 10% to watch TV. 90% to use it as background noise so I feel less lonely while I'm on the internet.

It's impressive how little information I need on someone before I decide I don't like them.

If Monday was a girl it would be a fat girl who likes horses and tells on people who curse.

Wouldn't it be nice if your iPod could detect your mood and make a playlist for it?

You know you're lazy when you get excited about cancelled plans.

If I reply to your one word text... just know you're special.

Parents sleeping= You being quiet as a mouse. You sleeping= Parents decide to vacuum for 2 hours.

Who else remembers Spyro, the little purple dragon game for Playstation?

Friday. My second favourite F word. You guess the first. *Hint* it's not Feeney...

Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.

I don't look outside windows at night because I'm scared of seeing a face. Eric's face to be specific...

The last time I saw you, I was hoping it was the last time I saw you.

Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.

I love it when people put their left blinker on and proceed to turn right.