Breaking: Supreme Court overturns women

C1 catches on fire, totally not a metaphor for the upcoming academic year

Apply to The Fluke. Your mom doesn’t love you. docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAI…

Duke to promote thinner body ideal by price gouging at WU

Rule of Threes! Thompson Writing Center kills Peaches, Nugget, and the Queen to prove literary point

Hurricane Ian visiting grandparents in Florida to celebrate Rosh Hashanah

Duke announces $36 million Climate commitment, asks “Where’s my sticker?”

DukeAlert team caught scattering tree branches in desperate attempt to maintain credibility

Freshman decides to stop cheating on long distance partner after watching Integrity Video

Colorblind student really confused by BC plaza

Kanye West sighted running away from WU with AirDrop open

“Wait Mr. Beast was here?” Duke students respond to Mr. Beast coming to campus yesterday

K-Ville Alert: Don’t forget your hoods at tonight’s #whiteout!

Groundhog Fred la Marmotte dies, six more weeks of depression

Confused Duke fans burn the on-court bench, killing Stanley Borden and six others

BREAKING FLUKE ALERT: GOOGLE DOWN (we are the first major news source to publish this)

Duke to turn west campus into big friend for “centennial darty”

Dudes don’t get caught in 4K in LA they get caught in 35mm 😭

biden when he dropped out

this is going to ruin the tour… the world tour