FIVE GRAND Jesus someone’s getting ripped off. The fancy “all organic” wool, cotton, and steel, made in Canada mattress I got tops out fully-optioned at 2 grand.

When I get the lunk alarm rung on me in planet fitness

I was snortin Colombian cocaine off a Russian hooker’s Brazilian butt lift at an Irish pub in Laos

There it is

Shit so heartwarming I almost liked a hate tweet

Nope. Goin fishin

Racing Harris to the bottom of the polls

The mere act of suggesting to build a golf course in the desert should be punishable by public caning

Post-workout locker room selfie

Turns out, in all cultures, cops can’t not look like cops.

How it feels seeing everybody who got to watch Speed Racer in IMAX when I both had to work and don’t live within a hundred miles of one

“JOIN OR DIE” cartoon but the snake sections are colored with various pride flags