Great, now we’re going to have to bring back Joe Biden to win in 2028.

Man who sells cars that explode desperate to eliminate consumer protection bureau

Let this UnitedHealth situation be a reminder: health insurance is a make-believe industry that makes billions by victimizing the most vulnerable of people in the worst moments of their lives, spending billions more to convince us into believing that anything else is “socialism.”

Hey liberals: it’s not Christmas Steve, it’s Christmas Eve!

If we’re changing the name of The Gulf Of Mexico to the Gulf Of America, we should start calling all Mexican restaurants in the USA “American restaurants.”

Did they make up unconditional discharge? Sounds like something they just made up.

The TikTok ban lasted as long as my Dry January

Ladies and gentlemen, now singing America The Beautiful, please welcome Kid Rock.

I hope groceries are cheap on Mars.

If the lowest scoring states in education disband the Dept Of Education, West Virginia becomes #1 in education in West Virginia.

The list of American tycoons that built this nation is so inspiring: Andrew Carnegie, John D. Rockefeller, MrBeast. Truly some historic visionaries.

An executive using money saved with mass layoffs to cover a pay bump for himself. Who saw THAT coming??

I miss the days when the only leaders we listened to were Soulja Boy and DJ Unk. It was a simpler time: all we had to do was Superman that hoe and walk it out.

You know your parents are getting older when they start pronouncing “restaurant” “restrent.”

You shared classified information about military strikes in a text thread? That’s just my Tuesday

Why did we stop using “Ahoy” as a greeting? Hi? Hey? Sup? No response. Ahoy? I’m in.

Great. Another American citizen deported.

A pope from the Midwest really puts the “ope” in “pope.”

I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.

Sitcom pitch: he and his family have to keep their identity secret while adjusting to American suburban life. Call it “Family Thais”